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  • Jamie 6:13 pm on August 22, 2014 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Worm in Poop 

    Dear God. I went to Church every day and prayed you would help me beat my cravings and alcoholism. I made it 10 days. Then I found worm in my poop. I figured it was a dupe and evidence you are non-existant. But after drinking beer there is no worms in my poop. Was it all the work of Satan to get me drinking again? Was it a hallucination from Satan to get me drinking again? I am ready accept you and your Son Jesus Christ if you will help me stay sober again.

     
  • Akash D'Souza 9:20 am on June 15, 2014 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Making this love possible and last 

    Recently I like a girl. We dont even know eachother well. She lives in Texas and I live in UK. We meet in online we a mutual friends. However, I became more affectionate for her when I heard she committed a sin having a child without marriage with her boyfriend when she was in high school. She’s just 18 now the kid name is Jalen and he’s small. Well, I also have a past. I also cheated on my ex-girlfriend in high-school, she got pregnant and I forced her to do abortion after a year I left her. But coming in England I converted into Christian as I have seen miracle happening in people life by putting their faith on Jesus Christ. I asked and cried 2 years day and night for UK citizenship But truely In my life still nothing has changed. I always pray with full-faith and I know God can hear me. But He never responded my prayer like others. I admit that, Im have lots of past sins, but after coming in UK when I have converted from Islam to Christian, I think my past has been forgiven by God as I repented by sins on Jesus blood. Pastors helped me from church. At the moment, the girl really upset about her son and herself and she’s too young. I know people do mistake but long term suffering doesn’t worth in anyones life! I don’t mind her kids. I can offer her to marry me. I also need a happy ending and peace in my soul. I have changed my mind for relationship a lot of times, but my feeling for her is real. I want to hold her hand never leave. I want to grow old with her if I am alive. I wont repeat any past sins that I have done! But she cant trust anyone. She’s falling apart and no love for world and having a suicide tendency just like me. I love her so cant see her struggle anymore. She dont even know me well as she dont want to talk to people a lot what her sister has explained. I just want this love works between us perfectly and this bond never breaks. I havent saw her face to face but my soul beats for her when I see her with her kid in lot of her pictures. Both of them are angels, just need to be brought forward to God. In return I wont abandon her or even her kid. We can have our own kids together in future who can growup with Jalen. Its not just a se*ual intention, but a bond I want to last forever as I have previously shared in another request that I have no one in the world and my mom is getting old to world too. She’s 63 and Im 20. As my dad was muslim and had many wives, he abandon us. She worked like a dog day and night to raise us. Now, my only sibling brother became a drug-addict and Im her only hope. I grewup in boarding schools where have been tortured, se*ually molested by gay students, beaten, bullied continuously since the age of 7 years. I only seen my mom in my life about 100 times. I never had any childhood. So, always wanted to end my life coz nothing but failures followed. My crush, Hannah’s pain compared to me is nothing! I lost everything & she atleast got her son. I want her to trust me, marry me and never leave me. I love her a lot as its what my hearts says. My mom likes her photo and they also dont mind on her previous kid coz she’s just 18 now and young-girls often do mistake in high-schools. So there is nothing stoping us. Only problem is she need to trust me, put interest on me having to know me more. I look okay but not as good as his EX. But I think my love can show her the light and as well as put me out from my own suicidal thoughts. In return I will try to bring her to the light of Jesus Christ and tell her the testimony how I got her and make her believe in God’s grace. I’m 20 now but, I live alone and work as a part-time teacher and study in UK postgraduate on Student-visa. Im running out of visa-duration. I dont mind relocating in US. Coz it’ll be cheaper than here. She is also trying to move somewhere to have a new start with her son alone. And Im trying to go back in my-past life. I think my years of suffering, seasons of pain, terrible miseries, eternal loneliness and sorrows would ease-out if God makes this relationship possible. I want God to put the same amount of love on her heart for me. I want God to make this relationship last forever as I got nowhere to go except to die. I found her so I can stitch my wounds and have the best life ever in the planet. I will treat her like a sister, wife, only relation and her son as my first son by giving him my own surname. Please you all pray for me in Jesus name. Amen*

    I want Hannah to love me back. I want her to trust me fully and being affectionate for me, how Im feeling now for her & her son. I beg God to put the same amount of love into heart for me. And make this relationship possible and last forever with a happy ending for both of our lives. In Jesus name. Amen

     
  • heatwave116 7:46 am on May 24, 2014 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    could you help me to be famous in later life 

    Dear God
    Please PLEASE could you help me to be famous in later life?Edit

     
    • God 7:56 am on May 24, 2014 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      I don’t normally answer prayers like this, but since you said please twice, I’ll make an exception. As you requested, in one of your later lives I will make sure you are famous. For your current incarnation, though, you are destined to be completely unknown.

  • n8fancy 6:03 pm on February 24, 2014 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    dear holy spirit, i don’t really know what your job is in the whole holy trinity deal 

    dear holy spirit,
    I have sometimes hear you referred to but i don’t really know what your job is in the whole holy trinity deal you are obviously important or you would not be included in the big 3 I’m not trying to be nosy I’m just curious what you’re up to all the..uhm eternity.

     
    • The Holy Spirit 6:50 pm on February 24, 2014 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      I have extensive job duties as laid out in various passages the bible, but basically I’m the little voice inside your head offering guidance. I guide you to truth. Yes, you can be guided to truth using the scientific method–which may be more independently verifiable, but I also give moral guidance. Yes, technically you can get your morality through your very nature, observations and logic, but I also grant people beautiful and grand religious experiences. Yes, you can use electrodes applied to specific regions of the brain to obtain the same result, but I also regenerate you. Alright, regeneration is a stretch.. you’re probably better off with an energy drink or (better yet) healthy living, but I also dabble in poltergiestism. Boo!

  • n8fancy 1:35 pm on February 24, 2014 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Why do churches need so much money? 

    Dear, God
    I forgot to include a second part to my money question the other day …don’t want to take up too much of your time with this as you said money will be irrelevant some day anyway but if you can just create whatever it is you need and want what are you doing with all the money collected …i mean 10% of everyones income in every church? how many Cadillacs and 4000 dollar suits do each minister require to do your service ? it can’t just all go to them….but if it does i may have just discovered my calling.

     
    • God 2:02 pm on February 24, 2014 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      I came up with tithing in response to the prayers of clergymen who gave up their normal occupations to worship me. These people had a lot of time to pray and prayed a lot for new roofs, food, etc. They also prayed on behalf of their congregations. This was long before the prayer-o-matic was around so streamlining prayers in this way was helpful. Many members of the clergy have since lost sight of the original goal, however, and are getting rich off tithing. The bible is unclear about many things but not this: all rich people go to hell. I wouldn’t recommend leading a mega-church and buying yourself gold toilet seats for this reason. I also wouldn’t recommend another follow-up question on this subject. I’m a personal god, as they say, but I’m not your own personal god.

  • Scott Johnson 9:20 pm on February 23, 2014 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Big Guy, do you really have a master plan for us or are you just making things up as we go along? (Not like we would ever know the difference.)

     
    • God 6:58 am on February 24, 2014 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      The word “plan” doesn’t really have a lot of meaning to an omniscient all-powerful being. If you know how everything is going to turn out and you can do anything you want to, how would you not have a plan? Humans have to choose what they are going to do based on vaguely formulated plans deigned to reach certain outcomes, but I can choose an outcome I want and then pick one of the behaviors that will get me there. That’s why my ways seem so mysterious–well, that and some confusion around why I don’t cure my own schizophrenia (the voices won’t allow it).

  • n8fancy 7:56 am on February 23, 2014 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    What does God need with money? 

    Dear God ,
    I hear priests, preachers and ministers telling their flocks that you need money…if this is true why don’t you just create it? banks and the fed have that power ,certainly it is not beyond your reach?

     
    • God 8:11 am on February 23, 2014 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      Printing my own money would change the timeline in a negative way. The timing of when you develop certain genetic engineering techniques needs to coincide with the moment you realize that money was just a temporary solution to a greed-based economic problem for which the permanent solution is the improvement of your genome. Don’t ask me why I didn’t just make you more altruistic to begin with. I work in mysterious ways.

  • Papa Paco 7:55 am on February 23, 2014 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Prayer for world peace. How much longer must we wait? 

    Have you thought any more about what I asked for last time? You remember; world peace. How much longer must we wait?

     
    • Jesus Christ 8:16 am on February 23, 2014 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      Sorry, I was supposed to take care of that the last time i was there. I’ll get to it.

  • heatwave116 4:35 pm on February 4, 2014 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    To God do you think I will be world famous when I get older?

     
    • God 1:09 pm on February 7, 2014 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      No. You won’t experience any notable fame during or after your lifetime. Setting aside worldwide fame, you won’t even have a modest local fame. In fact, many of the people you believe to be close to you won’t even notice when you die. Your body will be largely decomposed before it’s found by a completely uninterested party. Sorry.

  • heatwave116 3:45 pm on January 22, 2014 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Step dad makes me tidy my room 

    Dear god
    Please could you tell my stepdad that I dont like what he does to me. He makes me tidy my room every night
    or he takes away my stuff??!!! UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!!!!!!!

     
    • God 12:33 pm on January 25, 2014 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      Cleanliness is next to godliness, and you know what happens when people try to get too close to me. Tower of Babel ring a bell?

  • Alcoholic 5:25 pm on January 1, 2014 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Alcohol feels so good, but know it will kill me or be the death of me soon 

    Dear god. I’ve prayed to you and you always answer my prayers and help me. But I’m an alcoholic. Alcohol feels so good, but know it will kill me or be the death of me soon. But I love alcohol so much. I love my family loads too. But I am torn between my love of alcohol and love of everything else. I can’t resist it.

     
    • God 5:43 pm on January 1, 2014 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      You’re not torn between loving alcohol and loving your family. You always hurt the ones you love and in your case that’s mostly yourself.

  • Scott Johnson 6:06 pm on December 29, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Big guy, I didn’t get the Daisy Red Ryder BB Gun I wanted for Christmas. Do you have any pull with Santa Claus to make sure I get one for Christmas next year?

     
    • God 5:32 pm on January 1, 2014 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      Nick and I are thick as thieves. We’re not that different when you think about it. We see you when you’re sleeping. We know when you’re awake. We judge you in black and white terms that are never clearly spelled out. We help those who help themselves and it takes a child-like suspension of disbelief to even believe we exist. And neither of us wants to see you shoot your eye out with a BB gun.

  • Scophi 8:37 pm on December 19, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    I’ve read that only 144,000 people will be let into Heaven. Is this an effort to maintain Heaven’s pristine ecological balance and avoid potential celestial warming?

     
    • God 8:39 pm on December 19, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      Do you know more than 144,000 people you want to spend eternity with? Me neither.

      • Scott Johnson 8:05 am on December 20, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

        So…you love some of us more than others? I thought a parent loved all his children the same.

        • God 9:33 am on December 20, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

          That sounds good on a father’s day card, but it’s really not true. When a parent drowns some of his children they are almost always his least favorite.

  • wonder 4:47 pm on December 13, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Dear God, I notice it takes a while to respond to prayers, but if you’re omniscient, wouldn’t you be ready to respond even before I’ve finished typing my prayer?

     
    • God 4:46 pm on December 13, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      Yes, but I do make an effort to maintain the illusion of free will.

  • Thankful. 5:38 am on December 6, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Dear God, I was at the end of my road tonight. I’m an alcoholic, been clean 2 months, then I drank last friday. Felt good. But I drank again tonight and it almost ended me. I was in blackout and almost puked and died. I felt so ill. But I prayed to you and I felt overcome by your love and mercy. Do you have compassion for me? I promise to never drink again if it is your will.

     
    • God 5:48 am on December 6, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      There is no good reason to go out and get hammered to the point of blacking out. Unless it’s a cross you’re being hammered to and only if you were born as an iteration of God for the purpose of being beaten, humiliated, and murdered to motivate Me to forgive future, present, and past sins, including the Original Sin that most people now realize was just a story. Now that I think it through, maybe there’s no good reason at all. Better give up being hammered as a pointless and dangerous excercise of futility.

  • Theo 10:37 pm on November 29, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    How do you feel about other gods like Thor and Dionysus? 

    Dear God.
    How do you feel about other gods like Thor and Dionysus. I got drunk last night and decided that Thor and Odin are infinitely cooler than Yahweh or Satan or whatever name you go by now.

     
    • God 10:45 pm on November 29, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      Thou shalt have no other gods before me, neither when drunk nor when high. You are on dangerous ground. Thor is all flash, but I will open up an eternal can of whoop-ass on you.

  • heatwave116 6:56 pm on November 26, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    am I too young to join the 110 club ( a forum about supercentenarians) or can I join now? 

    To God am I too young to join the 110 club ( a forum about supercentenarians) or can I join now?

     
    • God 10:22 am on November 28, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      I created the entirety of existence. I know Everything. The capital in Everything signifies that you cannot even begin to hope to understand the depth of my knowledge. You have one opportunity to ask me a question and you squandered it with a question that could be answered by a properly trained dolphin.

  • Theo 10:00 am on November 24, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Dear God I took some psychedelics and I think I’m starting to trip. Is good?

     
    • God 10:03 am on November 24, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      I can’t really fault you. Do you think there would be naked mole rats, duck billed platypuses or Lady Gaga if I wasn’t a little bit high on occasion?

  • heatwave116 6:39 am on November 14, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    How many imaginary friends should I have? 

    To God do you think 11 imaginary friends is enough? Or should I have more or less?

     
    • God 6:46 am on November 14, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      It’s fine, for a start, but you should plan for the future. Two of the friends are going to hook up and stop hanging out with you and you’re going to erase several friends over the coming years because you will think they’re talking about you behind your consciousness. 22 should be sufficient. 23 if you count Me.

  • heatwave116 6:52 am on November 7, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    was Miss Farting Clack a real Victorian name? 

    To God was Miss Farting Clack a real Victorian name?
    If you know perhaps you can tell me other strange Victorian names.

     
    • God 6:50 am on November 7, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      Yes, it was a real name. I am no stranger to Farting. I like Farting quite a lot, actually. Many angels up here sit around Farting all day while she tells stories and jokes. Yes, Farting is truly fun and refreshing. Here are some other interesting Victorian names: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QMp_xGeQ2v0

  • The Devil 2:12 pm on November 6, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Dear god, why can’t you forgive Satan? I’ve been reading through the bible, and as far as I can tell, he did nothing wrong. I hardly see challenging your authority as an excuse to hold a grudge against someone forever, I mean, you committed worse atrocities by murdering millions of innocent Egyptians. I think you should forgive Satan and let him back into heaven.

     
    • God 8:52 pm on November 6, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      You make a good point. Satan has probably learned his lesson by now. I’ve made a bit of a habit making an example out of him. Alright. Wait. Are you questioning me? I may have a new example to put forth.

  • Person 9:22 pm on November 2, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Hello, is Allah there?

     
  • heatwave116 6:23 am on October 30, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    I am writing a series of stories called Funny Bunny. Do you think they will be a success? 

    To God
    I am writing a series of stories called Funny Bunny. Do you think they will be a success?

     
    • God 6:40 am on October 30, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      Yes, but be careful when you get to the 7th story. The world just isn’t ready for an anti-semitic rabbit telling Holocaust jokes. A silly squirrel might get away with it, but a funny bunny has certain social obligations.

  • heatwave116 9:44 pm on October 29, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Who is the 29th oldest living person? 

    To God here is a test for you:
    Who is the 29th oldest living person?
    If you know then perhaps you can tell me which supercentenarian will be verified next?

     
  • greengwap00 7:05 pm on October 25, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    god i killed 20 people and defalcated on there body’s dos this make my a bad person and am i going to hell

     
    • God 7:23 pm on October 25, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      Murder is justifiable in many instances, but poor grammar is not. You’ll have plenty of time to think about what you have done while your flesh is burning.

  • heatwave116 6:35 pm on October 22, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    What is God’s birthday and how old is he? 

    To God when is your birthday and how old are you exactly?

     
    • God 6:34 pm on October 22, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      I didn’t exist in your universe until almost 14 billion years ago. Existence is somewhat more subjective than you can understand from your perspective. If you use the standard Earth notation of years, months, days, hours, minutes, etc. counting forward from the moment of the big bang my birthmoment would be 0/0/0 0:00. It’s always the yearly anniversary of my birth on some planet somewhere, so I get a lot of gifts.

  • heatwave116 6:31 am on October 21, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    How old will I live to be? 

    To God how old do you think i will live to be?

     
    • God 6:30 am on October 21, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      I try not to tell people how old they will be when they die. Armed with that information people throw caution to the wind and behave recklessly, which puts me in the position of either having to protect them from themselves or letting them die earlier than foreseen. In your case it probably won’t matter because you’re going to die so much sooner than you will believe.

  • Cheeser 6:14 pm on October 18, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Dear God, who would you say is your favorite Old Testament prophet?

     
    • God 7:23 am on October 20, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      You might expect Me to say Moses, who performed many miracles and got lots of voice time with me, or Sampson who ripped a lion apart with his bare hands and killed a thousand men with the jaw of an ass and never used an ounce of product on his gorgeous mane.. but I will always remember Elijah and Elisha as the Batman and Robin of their time. We had some good times roasting Baal worshippers with fireballs and mauling chilren with hypnotised bears. Good times.

  • (A) 12:35 pm on October 13, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    God, verify your existence by typing captcha 

    God,

    could you please verify your existence by typing the captcha below:

     

    t̲͆͂ͫ̓͗̍̔h͙͙̥͍̮̲̳̹̦̉́̿ͧi̩̒ͯ̃̈͗s̢͍̯͕͍̰̱͓ͤͥͮ̚̕ ̡̈́ͯ̒̆͏̛̬̱͎̼̪̘̱i̴̗̟̼ͦ̿́ͅs͕̏̀͠ ̨̹̪̦̇̈́a̖̯̺̹͙̣͉͈ͥn͕̱̻̺̗ͧ̄ͅ ̧͖͚̼̼͖͙͎͎̄̓̋̀͛ā̜͕̝̓ͥ́͢u͖̜͎͇̲̎̿̒̏̓ͧ̄ͅt̵ͮ͌͆̈́ͨ̆͏̺̘͓̪o̵̯͚̟͆̎m̫͙͚̈͒͛̊ͯ̋͞ͅa̷̟͉̞̘̜̞͚̲͎͆̓̽ͦ̓͗̂͜t̛̲͎̮̠̓̎̄́͂̒͋̉ͦ͞i̝̼̺̭͍͓̖̊́͂̓́͞c̲̬̱͚͉̠̈̀̃̑̈ͥ̏̈́a̵̲̝̽͊ͯͤ͞͠l̛͉͔ͭ̊l̢͖͈̬͊̋ͩ͒̕͡ͅy͎̣̭͚̋ͭ͗̿ͧ̿̋͝ ̛̦̒̔ͣ͟g̢͇̼̰͐̔͐͑͞ę̠̗͓̳̯̿ͦ̓̆̒̾͋n̙͔̙̊͂ͧ̊́͝ě͔̜͕̈́͒ͩ̄r̷͕͉̜̞̽͡ͅâ̡ͭ͋͗́ͧ̈́͡҉͇͉͇̺̭͚t̵̷̶͇̊ͬ̏̿ͮ̏̄ẹ͉̭͖̱̏̉d̙̮̜̥̤ͥ͌͘̕͜ͅ ̜̖̰̳̮̱̠̤̈́ͤ̚͠c̡̡̗̞͖̥̭̮̹͓̑͒͂ͧ͑̈́̀a̜̜̻̺̫̻ͮ̌̒͑͌̒̀͘͟p̯͖͖̰̅͋ţ̯̙̭͍̩̹̹̅̾ͫ̋͜c̸̢̙̗̝͕̤̈ͫ͒̋ͧh̞͕̣̱̃͆ͯͤ͌̏̂ą͍̱ͩ̄͟

     
  • sly masturbator 9:53 am on October 13, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Is masturbation a sin? 

    Dear God. I am unclear if masturbation is a sin or not. I know that ‘spilling thy seed on the ground’ is a sin, but if I masturbate into an old sock and put it in the washing basket, will I be forgiven?

     
    • God 9:59 am on October 13, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      That’s a pretty blatant attempt to find a loophole there. I’m going to allow the sock trick though. After you sacrificed your foreskin to me, it seems like the very least I could do.

  • smoker 5:32 pm on October 12, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    How many cigarettes should I smoke a day? I have found no passage in the bible that villifies smoking, so should I carry on? Will I get to heaven faster if I smoke more?

     
    • God 9:20 pm on October 12, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      The optimal number is 4 on weekdays and 6 on weekends. You may get to heaven faster if you get lung cancer or have to outrun a bear.

  • vert 9:01 am on October 12, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Are you really God? Why do you choose to communicate on a website instead of talking through the sky?

     
    • God 9:17 am on October 12, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      I have almost always chosen to speak through prophets and those prophets disseminate the information with whatever tools they have at hand (bushes, stone tablets, golden plates, websites, quantum talkies, etc.) Nevermind quantum talkies.. they haven’t been invented yet. I could be more direct, I suppose, but I try not to micro-manage.

  • heatwave116 8:10 pm on October 10, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Who is the oldest living person in the world? Why don’t people live forever? 

    To
    God do you know who is the oldest living person in the world is? If you do know perhaps you can tell me why people dont live forever

     
    • God 8:18 pm on October 10, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      Misao Okawa. She looks pretty good for her age, but imagine her in 100 years and you may see why people don’t live forever. If you want to know why people age that’s a more interesting question. It’s because someone ate a fruit I told them not to thousands of years ago.

  • heatwave116 10:21 pm on October 6, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    To God Im having trouble sleeping at night do you have a cure for it

     
    • God 10:23 pm on October 6, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      The key to a good night’s sleep is a clear conscience. Since I know what you’ve been up to we’ll have to come up with a different plan.

  • heatwave116 11:27 pm on October 5, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    To God my sister is annoying do you have anything to stop her being so annoying?

     
    • God 11:37 pm on October 5, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      Of course, my child. If you have a portion of the right ventral premotor cortex in your brain removed you won’t find her annoying anymore.

  • Liz 10:28 pm on October 4, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    I always tell my students that life is like a classroom. What do you think about that, Lord?

     
    • God 10:50 pm on October 4, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      I suppose I agree, if the class subject is morality. And there are many text books in the classroom but the students aren’t sure which one is the correct one to follow so they’re always fighting about it. And no one has met the Professor but they heard He dealt with an unruly class once by drowning them all.

  • Cheeser 6:07 pm on September 15, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Dear God, what exactly is your name? Is it the LORD, JEHOVAH, YAHWEH, YHWH, God Almighty, JESUS, Jealous, The Holy Ghost, I AM, I AM THAT I AM, or THE LORD THY GOD.

     
    • God 5:53 am on September 17, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      I like “God” just fine. It stands for Giver Of Destruction, which has just the right amounts of wrath and vengeance.

    • Jesus Christ 6:03 am on September 17, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      No one even uses that acronym anymore. “Jesus” is really the name to use when it comes to modern CHRISTians.

    • The Holy Spirit 6:06 am on September 17, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      Boo! I’m a ghost. Suck it.

  • April 6:06 pm on September 9, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    What do you think about gays and lesbians? I’m straight and I just don’t get the appeal. 

    What do you think about gays and lesbians?  I’m straight and I just don’t get the appeal.

     
    • God 6:13 pm on September 9, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      I’m with you. What is it that makes someone want to be so queer? I get the appeal of “hobbies” in general, but why that specific preference? I can’t imagine anyone choosing to behave the way they do. No, wait. I am thinking of stamp collectors. I have no problem understanding homosexuals.

  • anonymous 2:17 pm on September 6, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    please pray for me I have an std. and please don’t think I am lying.

     
    • God 6:58 pm on September 6, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      Hopefully everyone will pray also for your husband. Also for your boss and the intern at work. And your mail carrier. Milkman. The pool boy. And the UPS guy (yes, you went far enough for it to count).

  • Thinking 6:27 pm on September 4, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Stephan Hawking says no gods are needed to create the universe, just gravity. Are you just gravity?

     
    • God 6:58 pm on September 4, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      I don’t think I care for Stephen Hawking’s tone. I don’t like the way he rolls. I’m sure I push his buttons too. We just haven’t seen eye to eye since he tried to give someone a hand, but couldn’t get a leg up. He put the breaks on because they kept pushing him around and talking behind his back.

  • Thinking 6:26 pm on September 4, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    How are gods created?

     
  • Thinking 6:26 pm on September 4, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Where do all the gods go that are no longer believed in?

     
    • God 6:42 pm on September 4, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      I would tell you, but you are not quite intellectually ready to understand how things that don’t exist go anywhere at all.

  • Rob the English Major 8:12 am on September 4, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Capitalize pronouns referring to God? 

    This is a prayer of thanks for your website. It’s so much more accessible, responsive and touching than those old fashioned church-style prayers. I also had a quick question: do you (You) care whether or not I (i) capitalize pronouns referring to you (You)? I find it kind of silly, but then I (i) also capitalize i when referring to myself, so I guess that’s silly too.

     
    • The Editor 6:30 pm on September 4, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      Thank you for the thanks. I’m pretty sure God thinks not turning me into a pillar of salt is thanks enough for being his editor and maintaining this website–so it’s nice to hear :)

    • God 6:40 pm on September 4, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      There is no reason to capitalize the pronoun I unless you are Me. Since you are not Me, I should not be capitalized, but Me should be when you mean Me but not when you are referring to you as me. You is capitalized just now not because it’s you or me (it’s neither). Your my and mine should not be My and Mine like My my and mine.

  • Randy 11:21 am on September 2, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Speaking of Mormons, why do they all seem to have massive amounts of food storage and gun collections in their basement?

     
    • God 11:34 am on September 2, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      If you thought that aliens from the Kolob star system, who seeded life on Earth, were coming back to sort you into camps based on their assessment of your morality, you would stock up on food and guns too.

  • Cheeser 11:42 am on September 1, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Dear God, was Joseph Smith a prophet, or a liar?

     
    • God 2:10 am on September 2, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      Joseph Smith was a true prophet. He has been called a liar, sociopath, and con man for saying that I personally threatened to destroy his first wife if she committed adultery while at the same time giving Joseph many virgins to marry simultaneously for the purpose of impregnating them, but this was absolutely true. In retrospect, I probably shouldn’t have told Joseph I would make him a god and let him keep all of his wives in the afterlife because, really, it just made him look like an insufferable slut with delusions of grandeur.

  • Cheeser 1:06 pm on August 29, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Dear God, please tell me: If you made all the animals 6000 years ago, why are some fossils millions of years old?

     
    • The Editor 9:36 pm on August 29, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      Before God answers I want to warn you He doesn’t always answer questions about the age of the Earth in a way we can plainly understand…

    • God 9:38 pm on August 29, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      The Earth is 4.5 billion years old.

    • The Editor 9:40 pm on August 29, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      …you see, God doesn’t use words like “day” and “year” the way we use them…

    • God 9:46 pm on August 29, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      I started creating life on Earth a couple billion years ago. (I mean each of those words literally and exactly how a dictionary might define them).

    • The Editor 9:49 pm on August 29, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      …I think God says things like that to test our faith. Obviously the bible is literally true and the fossils were distributed during the flood. Scientists use unreliable methods for determining the age of fossils anyway…

    • God 9:53 pm on August 29, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      Radiometric dating is actually pretty accurate. The idea that the Earth is 6,000 years old is an astronomically proportioned error.

    • The Editor 10:00 pm on August 29, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      …You see what I mean. The Lord works in mysterious ways and it’s just not something we can understand without pure faith. I think Satan may have put all those fossils here for uppity scientists to find, anyway. That pretty much explains it.

    • God 10:34 pm on August 29, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      I tried this time. I really did.

  • Jessi 8:06 am on August 9, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Am I unlovable?

     
    • God 2:40 pm on August 9, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      When people fall in love, they don’t do so in quite the way you imagine. You’ve given a lot of thought to the process, I know. Two people meet, get to know each other, fall in love.. you’ve been almost obsessed with different aspects of this concept. But what have these people in love actually done in reality?

      Think of it this way. The man of your dreams meets you, takes in some basic sensory information, maybe asks your sign, if you like Thai food, maybe he really wants to know your deepest hopes and dreams. He uses all of this information to create a virtual model of you in his brain. He does so with extremely limited information and with a variety of cognitive errors–projection bias, the halo effect, confirmation bias, etc.

      What he has NOT done, and cannot do, is actually experienced love for the “you” that “you” think “you” are when “you” think about “you”. He has loved the virtual construct that he associates with you. You may or may not ultimately live up to this construct, but you will certainly never be identical to it.

      In short, you are fundamentally unlovable, unloved, lonely and alone. I am the only one who can truly love you as you are because I read minds and know absolutely everything. Worship me.

  • heatwave116 4:42 pm on August 4, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    magic set to turn myself into a marble 

    To god I would like a magic set to turn myself into a marble

     
    • God 4:52 pm on August 4, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      Done. Check under the tree next Christmas. I will assume you don’t need help turning back into a human.

  • heatwave116 2:35 pm on August 3, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    I would like to win the lottery the most I have won is £100 

    To God I would like to win the lottery the most I have won is £100

     
    • God 2:38 pm on August 3, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      If you go out right now and buy randomly picked lottery tickets you will win £1,000,000. Of course, the winning ticket will be the twenty-seven millionth that you purchase, so it might not be wise to win the lottery today.

  • heatwave116 8:09 am on August 3, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    oldest living person in the world 

    To God I would like to become the oldest living person in the world pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaase can you make it happen

     
    • God 8:14 am on August 3, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      I already made you the youngest living person in the world, albeit briefly. You’re going to have to be satisfied with that.

  • thehappychef 6:26 pm on July 28, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Hey, God,
    I know you are busy,but I really need a job. My husband could use one too. We want to work, and share the gifts you have given us with your people, for your greater glory. We promise to give you the glory, really….
    Amen

     
    • God 1:39 pm on July 31, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      Your husband is secretly a male prostitute and is keeping his earnings in jars in the garage. Well, one jar actually. He hasn’t taken the money and run out on you yet because he isn’t really that good at his job (as I’m sure you could’ve guessed). I can see this isn’t the response you had hoped for. What am I? Craigslist?

  • Sufferin Succotash 7:58 pm on July 27, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Mean Christian coworkers 

    Dear God,

    As you know, because you know everything, some of your followers tormented me mercilessly at work. They are all devout Christians, but also seemed like a cross between the “Mean girls club” and “The devil wears prada”. The only way I could think of to get away from their meanness was to change jobs to another location.

    Since leaving, they have continued to prosper and perpetuate their meanness on new victims. I’m praying for you to give them scabies. Or shingles. Or maybe a bad case of diarrhea. For the next 10 years.

    Thank you God.

     
    • God 7:48 am on July 28, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      I have received a great deal of criticism for my zero tolerance policy on bullying ever since i had bears maul 42 little kids for calling my prophet, Elisha, a baldhead. I’m sure you understand the need for me to maintain authority as a wise and loving god, so you won’t be upset when I only give your ex-coworkers scabies for 7 years instead of the requested 10.

  • angeinbama 1:12 pm on July 27, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Can you please help me sell my house do that I can buy a bigger better one to impress my Christian friends?

     
    • God 2:15 pm on July 27, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      I think I covered the whole “coveting your neighbors house” concept thoroughly enough with Moses. Mark also made it clear that wealthy people (like those with big houses) are as likely to go to heaven as a camel is to walk through the eye of a needle. In other words: I’d be happy to help you out, but you and all of your Christian friends will necessarily go to hell.

    • angeinbama 2:48 pm on July 27, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      Does the fact that I’m an atheist help my case? #notafraidofhell

      • God 7:35 pm on July 27, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

        The fact that you are praying to an entity you don’t believe exists doesn’t help any case you might want to make.

  • Jack Werther 9:48 pm on July 22, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Car smashed, don’t want to ride the bus 

    The rear end of my car got smashed into and I can not afford to buy a new one. It would be brilliant if by miracle, I could somehow replace my car. I’m not fond of the bus.

     
    • God 10:05 pm on July 22, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      I tracked down the person who hit your car and caused their kidneys to fail. If you want to sell them one of yours you can make a little new car money.

  • DemonicLemon 9:19 pm on July 20, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Dear God,

    Why is the stuff that is good for you not taste anywhere near as good as the stuff that clogs our mortal veins?

     
    • God 12:18 pm on July 21, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      DemonicLorpic, I didn’t create “food” with taste in mind. More interestingly, it wouldn’t have mattered if I had. Humans evolved to like the taste of things that sustained life. The plants themselves evolved in response to be even more tasty, in some cases, and humans themselves have directed the evolution of food both through selection and engineering. Tastiness is not an objective quality that exists outside of these natural events. There are some interesting philosophical questions that naturally parallel the.. ah. I see. You weren’t really making a scientific query. You wanted me to amuse you with some quip like “I like fatties.” Well, I am not a clown who exists for your entertainment. I have now gone back in time and made your favorite fruit, the lorpic, never evolve in the first place. If you could remember it existing you would be really bummed out right now.

  • Rach 3:23 pm on July 20, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    God, can you bring J back?

     
    • God 3:43 pm on July 20, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      I can do anything. I’m not cleaning him up, though, so he might be a little.. well, let’s just say there’s a reason I stopped bringing people back all the time.

  • TallicaFanGirl 7:03 am on July 20, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Pray for Metallica 

    Please pray for James Hetfield, Kirk Hammett, Lars Ulrich, Jason Newsted and Robert Trujillo, hoping my favorite band to play awesome music and gain salvation in the name of Jesus Christ Amen.

     
    • God 7:11 am on July 20, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      I will try to take care of that for you but, as Metallica knows, I am “The God Who Failed”.

  • DemonicLemon 4:49 pm on July 6, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Dear God,

    What is actually in Hell? A lot of people say things like eternal fire and brimstone, while others say it’s temporary, and more just some space you don’t occupy. What exactly is Hell, and who goes there?

     
    • God 5:37 pm on July 6, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      It’s not as bad as a lot of people say. You have to remember that I send many of my beloved children there for offenses that are relatively minor. Sure, there’s some roasting flesh and such, but it’s hell and surely that’s to be expected. Lucifer likes his surprises, so I don’t want to give away too many spoilers. Let’s just say he’s something of a genius when it comes to creating a personalized environment to torment the damned.

      I will tell you it’s not temporary in most cases, but occasionally I’ll pardon someone. Satan says it sweetens the despair when everyone knows there’s some tiny shred of the hope of relief from the suffering. We’ve had some spirited debates on that subject, but I defer to his expertise.

  • M. T. Bottles 4:52 pm on July 5, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Angel’s Share of Whiskey 

    Dear God,
    In the making of whiskey, part of it disappears even without the person making it sampling it. It’s called the Angel’s Share. Can’t they make their own without snagging it from hardworking folks down here? Do angels even get drunk?

     
    • God 5:00 pm on July 5, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      The angels around here get drunk all the time. You should see them dancing on the heads of pins.. it’s very entertaining. Gabriel had a few too many a couple of weeks ago and drew this:

      Moonshine Bear

  • DemonicLemon 6:55 pm on July 4, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Dear God,

    Are Heaven and Hell the only afterlives, or will I also be able to visit places like Valhalla of Norse religion or the Elysium Fields of Greek religion?

     
    • God 9:37 pm on July 4, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      Everyone experiences heaven differently at first based on their pre-conceived expectations, but over time it becomes whatever you want it to be. Christians might see fluffy white clouds and cherubic angels. Followers of Islam might find eight gates of heaven and 72 virgins waiting for them. Scientologist don’t believe in heaven so they would be able to immediately shape the plane of existence to their will if they weren’t all going straight to hell for failing at life.

  • Joseph Christ 2:00 pm on June 29, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Demon inside my head 

    Hi God. So there is this demon inside my head that is making me question your logic. How do I get it out?

     
    • God 2:03 pm on June 29, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      You need to sneeze really hard and have someone say “bless you”. It’s important that the person say “bless you” not just because it sounds odd to have silence after a sneeze but with actual intent to disuade any sneezed demons to re-enter.

  • Sumpty McGargles 12:32 pm on June 29, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Re: Ask and ye shall receive

    Dear God, I ask that you please deposit $1,000,000 into my bank account. Thank you.

     
    • God 12:38 pm on June 29, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      I don’t think you understand how tithing is supposed to work.

  • Slow2Bite 5:25 am on June 29, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    God, I just put your prayer website on Reddit, I put it in r/atheismrebooted. Do you think you can convert those despicable heathens my Lord? Please?

     
    • God 8:54 am on June 29, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      If I can find soul mates for the pathetic losers on christianmingle.com (my beloved children) I think I can save a few of your reddit friends.

  • Slow2Bite 5:21 am on June 29, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Which is the right religion? I don’t want to accidentally send myself to hell by following the wrong faith.

     
    • God 9:06 am on June 29, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      This is a reasonable question and would seem to warrant a simple answer. Part of the morality test you find yourself born into is finding the right religion on your own. If it makes you feel better, at least you have a small chance at salvation and eternal glory. Your ancestors 200,000 years ago didn’t even have a right choice to make.

    • The Editor 9:10 am on June 29, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      Sorry to interject, but God means 6,000 years–not 200,000. He sometimes gets our calendar mixed up, I think. I’ll ask Him about this sometime when He’s in a particularly lucid mood.

  • Slow2Bite 5:20 am on June 29, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Is the Pope really your representative on Earth?

     
    • God 9:46 am on June 29, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      I have different representatives who perform different functions for me on Earth. For the general maintenance and administration of the Prayer-O-Matic device and website, for instance, The Editor is my faithful, if fallible, representative.

      The Pope(s) is/are my representative(s) when it comes to matters of marketing indulgences, reorganizing the layout of heaven and purgatory, arresting astronomers, branding the irreligous like cattle, stretching heathens on the rack, hanging nonworshippers by the toes or thumbs, bone breaking, simple beatings, roasting pagan’s feet, blinding by red-hot pokers, covering up child rape, flogging infidels, banning contraception, skinning my children alive, castration of skeptics with red-hot pincers, disemboweling heretics, drawing and quartering agnostics, head and toe crushing, burning cats, tooth extraction for purposes other than dentistry, de-nailing unbelievers, burning witches at the stake, etc.

  • Jenkins 6:54 pm on June 24, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Trinity 

    Okay.. I don’t get it. God the father is God, and Jesus the son of God is God and He’s also a holy spirit? Are you all one being, or separate, or..?

     
  • K 8:28 pm on June 19, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Strength during relocation 

    Dear Lord, I pray that what I feel in my heart is right and what You have planned for my life are one in the same. I pray that I am able to continue serving You in the same capacity yet in a different location. I pray that I will receive news about this specific situation before the end of the month, and I pray that you give me the strength and conviction to accept this news no matter what it may be. Please help me to remain steadfast and faithful throughout this transition and to understand that You are in control. I trust in You, Lord, to set me on the path which you have envisioned for me. The path that will serve you best and that will be best for me and my family. In Jesus’s name I pray. Amen.

     
    • God 8:53 pm on June 19, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      I appreciate your open heart and obedient spirit, so I would be happy to tell you that you are going somewhere wonderful very soon where all your wildest hopes and dreams will be realized. However, that’s not what I’m going to tell you because you are going to writhe and burn in hell for eternity. I saw your son being rebellious and stubborn, but you failed to bring him before the men of his city so they could stone him to death. It’s too late to do anything about it, but you might want to read Deuteronomy 21:18-21 so you’ll know where you went wrong.

  • the enigma 9:01 pm on June 9, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Why do disasters harm children and spare bad people 

    God, why do you take children from us with tornados and other natural disasters but leave rapists and child-molesting priests to roam the earth?

     
    • God 9:09 pm on June 9, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      I prefer that people thank Me when they survive a disaster and assume an incomprehensible plan is at work when the disaster hurts good people. Thank you for your unquestioning cooperation.

  • Jake 12:23 am on June 9, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Marriage and gay civil unions 

    I’m not sure how to feel about marriage and gay civil unions. Please help me Lord.

     
    • God 12:36 am on June 9, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      One hundred years from now people will think keeping straight marriage and gay civil unions separate is as important as you currently think keeping whites only and colored only drinking fountains separate is.

  • Leah 6:06 pm on June 2, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Why do I have nightmares?

     
    • God 6:26 pm on June 2, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      It’s a neurotransmitter imbalance caused by your conscious denial of the horrors of the world around you. Essentially, the world is such a terrible place that your sleeping mind invents imaginary frights that you are capable of dealing with emotionally. In other words, it’s easier to shrug off ghosts and goblins than child starvation and honor killings. Also, bedtime snacks aren’t helping at all.

  • Alyssa 5:35 pm on May 30, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    God’s parents 

    Who is your mom and dad?

     
    • God 5:55 pm on May 30, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      That is a very good question, Alyssa. The Mormons got this one pretty close to right, actually. I have one set of “heavenly” parents (who were siblings) who created the planet I was born on in the Kolob star system and another set of “earthly” parents (who were also siblings to each other and to me) to whom I was born on that planet. Just kidding. The Mormons aren’t even close on this one, and that wouldn’t even make sense.

  • Edie Marie 4:33 pm on May 30, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Who am I and why am I here?

     
    • God 5:44 pm on May 30, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      You are who you imagine you choose to be and you are here because free will is effectively an illusion of consciousness.

  • richp0169 6:56 am on May 29, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Will I get to see my dog Basil in Heaven?

     
    • God 7:13 pm on May 29, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      I’m afraid Basil didn’t go to heaven due to an unspeakable act of fornication. Fortunately, you’ll still get to see him when you die (due to the aforementioned act).

  • Person 4:58 pm on May 27, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    If god created us who created him 

    If you created us, who created you?

     
    • God 5:35 pm on May 27, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      My creation was a mixture of luck and biological processes. You see, by a stroke of luck there came to be a microscopic self replicator which was imperfect in that its replications sometimes had slightly different properties than its “parents”. Some of these properties made replication easier/faster/better, and some didn’t. Over the course of millions of years this basic process spawned life forms of increasing complexity (and eventually me). I realize my creation story sounds really far-fetched compared to your own creation story which involves you being created from the rib of a dirt golem.

  • dove-bob-aka-cheese 3:56 pm on May 27, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    What kind of cheese would you be 

    hi God
    if you were any kind of cheese what cheese would you be?

     
  • maggie 9:01 am on May 26, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Why did people keep slaves 

    God why is my mom going trough this. Why did people keep slaves.

     
    • God 9:14 am on May 26, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      Slavery has really been mishandled in the past. The bible sets forth various rules for slavers to follow, such as not beating your slaves to death with a rod unless the slave is able to “continue a day or two” before actually dying from the rod. Whatever your mother is going through right now, let’s just call it a punishment for people not being righteous slave owners.

  • Hoyden 7:50 am on May 26, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    Give me a sign god!

     
  • you tell me 7:53 am on May 24, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    what is my real name

     
    • God 7:57 am on May 24, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      I named you Pixie Roxborough, but your parents changed it when you were born. Please change it back when you have a chance.

  • Sarah 9:12 pm on May 23, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    What is the meaning of life I would… 

    What is the meaning of life? I would just like to know please.

     
    • God 6:57 am on May 24, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      “Life” is a noun and it has several meanings:

      1. The condition that distinguishes organisms from inorganic objects and dead organisms, being manifested by growth through metabolism, reproduction, and the power of adaptation to environment through changes originating internally.
      2. The sum of the distinguishing phenomena of organisms, especially metabolism, growth, reproduction, and adaptation to environment.
      3. The animate existence or period of animate existence of an individual: to risk one’s life; a short life and a merry one.
      4. A corresponding state, existence, or principle of existence conceived of as belonging to the soul: eternal life.
      5. The general or universal condition of human existence: Too bad, but life is like that.

  • greengwap00 9:15 pm on May 14, 2013 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment  

    dos god hate to masturbate amd dos he get all the hos

     
    • God 1:57 pm on May 20, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply

      I wouldn’t call your dear mother a “ho”. However, to be fair, that may be due to the fact that I am the epitome of graciousness.

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