Anonymous: "How likely am I to marry my current girlfriend? And wll she bear me a son?"

God: "You will marry her and be very happy, blissfully unaware that the children she bears you actually belong to the various people who deliver the mail and pick up the trash. Oh.. wait.. it's changing, scratch that. You wont marry her after all. Strange."

Candy the Stripper: "So do you REALLY like it when we get undressed in front of GOD and EVERYONE?"

God: "Though I do watch over all my children, I do not have time to watch quite that closely. That thing you do with the pole, though.. I would keep doing that. For your sake, I mean. it's not like it matters to me at all, okay? Really. You might want to bring another girl into the act too, but like I said--I couldn't possibly care less. I mean it. C'mon, seriously. Whoever is chuckling better not think I can't find out who they are."

Pelasgi: "Do wiccans go to hell?"

God: "If they did, who would sweep heaven?"

redpillza: "God, why is it that I've started working out more and my arse has gained 3 inches?"

God: "Your diet and exercise routines need to be carefully planned and monitored, my child. Family-sized Twinkie boxes are indeed heavy, but lifting them does not constitute weight training."

Alistair: "How long did it really take to do that creation stuff? Honestly?"

God: "Six days. Well, six of my days--which I'm not even going to try to explain here. I'll come clean though--the day of rest wasn't the seventh day, it was the first.. I'm a bit of a procrastinator. Okay, okay.. the "day" of rest was really a couple of my months. Hey, it aint easy being God. You think you can just wake up one morning and say let there be light? Where's my motivation?"

Reilly, Megan, and Rachel: "How do angels get their wings?And, are any angels gay? or better yet lesbian?"

God: "Every time a bell rings an angel has a same-sex relationship. Angels don't actually have wings very often--but when they want to they can. Wait. Reverse that. Sorry."

Anonymous: "Well God she has finally shown up in my life but one error she's with another guy. How do I get rid of him and out shine him and any other male? since you already know who it is just give her a nudge and good hint or something thanks."

God: "The key to outshining the other guy is to love the girl more than he does. Until she comes around on her own, though, you might want to keep your distance or you might end up with a shiner of your own."

Nicole: "Why do girls mature faster then guys?"

God: "I could go into the physiological specifications and my intricate reasons for creating things the way that I created them, but to place it in more simpler terms--Female children must mature faster than male children because babies can't use the stove--and a dirty floor will wait for no man."

Suze Q: "God, why can't I read people's minds?"

God: "Because they're thinking behind your back."

A piece of you: If you say you are ALL, doesn't that mean that you are good and evil, love and hate, right and wrong, God and Satan?"

God: Actually, that's a misquote. What I actually said, in respect to that, had to do with being "all that" a bag of chips. I'm the bombdiggidy, dog. Don't be so old skool. Dig it?"

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